Dear Jack
by angelofstargatesg-1
Summary: Sam decides to write in a journal, and she starts off with Dear Jack. PART 2: Sam is in turmoil over Janet's death, and writing is the only way she can relieve her stress
1. Part One

Just a brief message before I begin!  
  
DISCLAIMER!! I don't own Stargate, because if I did, whoa boy! Beware! :)   
  
Also, I got the journal entry idea from another person on FanFiction.  
  
Summary: Sam's finally decided to start a journal, and she starts it off with "Dear Jack".  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Dear Jack  
  
Sam sat down at her desk, and pulled out an expensive leather-bound book. The spine cracked as she opened it, and the scent of pages that had never been written on, wafted to her nose. She cracked her knuckles and grabbed a pen. She glanced at the clock, noticing that she had hours to burn.  
  
She didn't know where to start, but began with the only heading she could think of:  
  
"Dear Jack,  
  
Funny how I decided to call you Jack. I guess that I think if I call you Jack, it'll be like I'm talking to the real Jack, and that I'm telling him my true feelings without actually looking at him.  
  
*sigh*  
  
I feel like a teen again, writing in a journal, but what the heck? It's not like anybody is going to read it. For some reason I feel compelled to write down all my dreams, starting with whom I'm going to get married to.  
  
Jack. Jack O'Neil.  
  
I'm almost positive that I'm going to marry him. We're gonna live in his house, and we're gonna have three kids, a brand-new car (we're getting rid of Jack's truck, it's just TOO small!) and.....  
  
What AM I talking about?!  
  
I don't even know for sure if Jack loves me. But I feel his love, every time he looks at me, I know he wants to kiss me, or hug me.  
  
Can I tell you something? I guess I can, it's not like you're going to blab my secrets like Janet does to Daniel ALL the time.  
  
At Jack's Christmas party last, after everyone left, and after I helped him clean up the kitchen, you know what? I never came home that night.  
  
Yup. I stayed at Jack's place, in his arms, all night.   
  
In his bed.  
  
Of course we can't tell anybody. It's bad enough that we kissed! I just pray that NO ONE ever finds this journal because if they do, Jack and I can be court-marshaled all the way to hell.  
  
And then where would our relationship be? No where.  
  
*sigh*  
  
Sometimes I wish I was a citizen like Daniel, then I could be with Jack ALL I wanted, and no one would ever get me in trouble.  
  
Take that, you damn regulations.  
  
Wanna know something else? I met my alternate reality Sam one time at the SGC, and she was MARRIED, MARRIED to Jack; well, her Jack at least. She had a picture of them on their wedding day, and when she went back, she forgot to take the picture with her. You know what? I have it hanging up in my bedroom in a frame, right above where I sleep. Jack doesn't even know that.  
  
Sometimes I take the picture out, and kiss it as many times as I can.  
  
*sigh*  
  
Ah, well. He'll retire some day. I'm not going to retire, or.... maybe I will. If I retire, does that mean Jack'll ask me to marry him? Maybe it does... hmmm .... I think I have something to talk to General Hammond about."  
  
Sam glanced up at the clock.  
  
Damn, I have to go. I guess I can bring my journal with me so I can finish my entry, she thought.  
  
"I have to go, but I'll write later. I just hope sincerely that Jack doesn't find you on my desk, because he's FOREVER snooping (but he looks so cute when I catch him!) and I would be mortally embarrassed if he wrote an answer back!  
  
Sincerely with all my love,  
  
Sammie"  
  
Sam rushed to the SGC, and left her journal on her desk. As she had predicted, Jack sauntered in and snooped through her belongings, of course, finding her journal. Her read the entry, smiled, and picked up a pen.  
  
It was 3 am the next morning when Sam next stepped into her office. She ran to her desk, praying with all her heart that Jack hadn't found and read her journal.   
  
At first glance, all looked fine. Sam sighed. Then, she turned the page. Her heart jumped into her throat, for there on the blank page opposite her last entry, was writing in the big, bold, manly script of Colonel Jack O'Neil:  
  
"Hey Carter,  
  
Love ya too!  
  
*Sincerely with love*  
  
Jack  
  
P.S. we're not getting rid of my truck! :)  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Hope you loved it! Review, Review, Review! I MIGHT do a sequel with Jack's journal! 


	2. Part Two

I wasn't going to do a second chapter of this story, but I thought about it for quite some time, and decided that "Dear Jack" needed one. Here goes nothing.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Stargate, otherwise I wouldn't have a disclaimer would I?  
  
SPOILERS: Part 2 of "Heroes"  
  
*~*~*  
  
*~Dear Jack: Part Two~*  
  
Sam threw herself on her bed, burying her head in her pillow. Pain, grief, agony and torture rolled like a tempest over her, and the tears that she had fought so hard to hold back let loose. Heavy sobs racked her body, making it hard for her to breathe. She lifted her head and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Sam's arms gathered the pillow into a strangling hold, pressing them tight against her chest. Looking over to where her desk was, Sam spotted her journal.  
  
Standing up, a little unsteady, she walked to the desk and pulled out her chair. As she sat down, she picked up a pen, spotting the photos of her friends as she turned.   
  
A photo of all those on SG-1 was next to one that had been taken at Jack's surprise party last month. The alternate reality Sam's wedding photo was also there, and Sam smiled lovingly at it. An old photo of Sam's parents was in a silver frame next to that.  
  
But the one that made tears flood into Sam's eyes was a photo of three couples at a carnival that had taken place just last Friday: Sam and Jack, Teal'c and Ishta, Daniel and Janet. Each of the men had their arms wrapped around their respective significant other, and all the women were hooking arms, each having a large stuffed animal at their feet.   
  
Sam picked up the photo in its intricate, sterling-silver, rose pattern frame. Running her hand over the picture, she let her fingertips grace each face that she loved so much. Tears dropped slowly at first, but then steadily they rained down on the glass, causing Sam to drop her hand into her arms, photo clasped to her chest.   
  
I have to write, Sam thought. I have to write or I am going to go crazy.  
  
She lifted her pen with what energy that hadn't been drained from crying, and soon the sounds of pen scratching paper could be heard.  
  
" Dear Jack,  
  
I just hope I don't cry as I write this. The tears will wash away my words if I do!  
  
I'm torn apart, Jack. I don't know what to do.  
  
Is there anything I can do?  
  
Usually Janet was the one who helped me get my thoughts together. Usually Janet was the one who told me to calm down and have hope. Usually Janet was alive.  
  
But she's not.  
  
My best friend in the entire world is dead.   
  
And there's not a damn thing I could have done about it.   
  
I feel so goddamn helpless. Like an idiot who doesn't know how to feed himself.  
  
If only I had been there. If only I could have stood right in front of her. If only I had made her stay at the SGC. If only I had told her not to be a doctor. If only I had told her to take a firearm with her. If only I could have been in two places at once. If only I could have saved her.   
  
Jack, please help me. What am I going to do without her?  
  
She was my best friend, Jack! For God's sake she was my best friend! Doesn't that count for something?  
  
Doesn't that mean we're supposed to be together?  
  
Doesn't that mean I'm supposed to be there when she needs me?  
  
Doesn't that mean that she's supposed to be there when I need her?  
  
Goddamn it all, Jack!   
  
Janet's dead and she's not coming back.  
  
Why. . .  
  
Why her?  
  
Janet, of all people?  
  
She never did anything to hurt anyone!  
  
She was a doctor!  
  
She was there to cure, not to kill.  
  
And who ended up dead?  
  
Janet. Not me. Janet.  
  
I should be dead, Jack.  
  
Janet should be alive right now, and she should be in the infirmary taking care of her patients. She should be in her white lab coat, running samples and checking blood pressure. Jan should be stabbing you with needles and crooning over Daniel's paper cut. She should be arguing with Teal'c about the thermometer underneath his tongue, and yelling at me for not getting enough sleep.  
  
Except she's not.  
  
I should be dead, Jack.  
  
I should have taken her place. No one needs me here. Janet has saved countless lives and can still save countless more. What can I do? Sure, I can create a naquadah bomb and fix the Stargate, but there are so many more who can do that! Janet was one in a million.  
  
And she's gone.  
  
Gone. . . "  
  
Sam's phone rang, jerking her from the trance that she encompassed herself with whenever she wrote. She dropped up the pen, and leaned over to her nightstand which held one of her cordless phones. Before answering it, she wiped her nose on a nearby tissue, instead of her sleeve.  
  
"Carter."  
  
"Hey Sam, it's me. Jack."  
  
"Hi, sir."  
  
"Are you going to be okay?"  
  
"I will be."  
  
"Good. Because I know it hurts. Trust me. I know how you are feeling right now."  
  
Sam grimaced at his indirect mention of Charlie, and tried to steer the conversation away from death.  
  
"Why did you call me, sir? If you don't mind me asking."  
  
"You don't beat around the bush, do you?"  
  
Sam laughed for the first time in MANY days. "I try not to, sir."  
  
"Do you want to go out with me tomorrow night, Carter?"  
  
"What was that, sir?" "I asked if you wanted to go out with me tomorrow night, Carter. Please don't tell me I'm going to have to get you a hearing aid!"  
  
"No, sir. That's no to the hearing aid. Not the date."  
  
"So . . .?"  
  
"I'd love to go out with you, sir."  
  
"Great! O'Mal-" Jack stopped short, noting that O'Malley's was the place that those from the SGC usually hung out at. "Do you want to try a new place out, Carter?"  
  
Sam smiled at his change in plans for her. "Sure. Why not? What did you have in mind, sir?"  
  
"How about I surprise you?"  
  
"Okay. . ."  
  
"Just one thing, Sam."  
  
"Hmm. . . What's that, sir?"  
  
"You have to promise me that you will NOT call me 'sir'."  
  
"I'll try. . . Jack."  
  
"Until tomorrow at 7?"  
  
"Until tomorrow at 7."  
  
  
  
Sam ended the call with a press of a button and turned to continue writing.  
  
"You just called. I think you saved me from committing suicide. Have I ever told you how grateful I was to you?  
  
Probably not.  
  
My attitude's changed a lot since your call, most likely for the better.  
  
I thank you again, Jack. For more than one thing, I thank you.   
  
I love you, Jack O'Neill.  
  
Please don't let me die without telling you that.  
  
-Sam"  
  
Sam put down her pen and leaned back in her chair. She rubbed her temples, feeling the beginning of a headache coming on. She remembered how Jack almost died, how she had almost lost the man of her dreams, the only man she ever truly loved. Tears began forming in her eyes again.  
  
"Sam."  
  
A voice came from a corner in her room and she looked up, startled.  
  
"Who's there?"  
  
"Sam, it's me."  
  
The figure stepped from the corner, revealing a woman.  
  
"Janet?! But you're. . . you're. . ."  
  
"I'm ascended, Sam." Janet smiled as she looked at her amazed friend, her cheeks streaked with tears.  
  
"Jan. . . I miss you so, so much!" Sam burst into tears again, wishing that her friend could give her a hug one last time.   
  
Janet walked over to where Sam was sitting and wrapped her arms around her. Surprisingly enough, she could do this.   
  
Sam looked up into the face of her beloved, but deceased friend. She began to cry against Janet's chest, hugging her tightly.   
  
"He loves you, Sam."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"He loves you."  
  
"Jack?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Janet. . . Daniel. . . " Sam wasn't sure how to tell her friend.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I have to go now, Sam." Janet let go of her friend and began stepping back.  
  
"Jan, please don't leave me!"  
  
"I have to, Sam. But if you ever need me, I'll be there." And in a flash of blinding light, she was gone.  
  
"Jan. . ."  
  
Sam placed her head on her desk, and wept uncontrollably.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Did it turn out okay? I added the part at the end; it was just something that I thought needed to be added. Hope you like it! Please review. . . 


End file.
